Down the rabbit hole

Sunday, April 29, 2012

I miss eating like a man.

The act of dieting was always a foreign concept to me. Mostly because I never really needed to diet myself. I was a fat baby who grew into a healthily plump kid, who suddenly became Ethiopian stick-thin as soon as 7am-3pm school days became the routine back in third grade. I blame my sudden weight loss on my then lack of interest and skill in feeding myself. I was 9, and being the lazy and relatively spoiled little girl that I was, I was used to being spoon-fed by my yaya. Before you roll your eyes at your screen - which is actually a pretty moot thing to do, so don't bother doing it anyway - let me give you another reason to make fun of me. I used to drink my milk from the bottle 'til I was... 10. Voila! Aside from releasing naked pictures, a sex scandal, or a very tactless, homophobic/racist comment, I actually cannot shame myself any further on the world wide web. Back to my skinny tale then.

I grew up a very skinny kid. Now, I just noticed I've used the word "skinny" twice in the last two sentences, so I thesaurus-ed it just now. Let's see... there's scraggy, angular, rawboned, skeletal, "looking like a bag of bones", and (probably in Shakespearean-talk) spindle-shanked. I'm particularly drawn to "skeletal" because it makes me giggle like a stupid little dunce, so let's use that in my rephrase.

I grew up a very skeletal kid (LOL). I think at one point, when I was 12, I was only 70lbs. Plus, that was the time in my life when my dad would call me a Sasquatch because the tips of my fingers would come down to my knees. (MY LIMBS GREW FASTER THAN MY TORSO, SO WHAT, WANNA FIGHT?!) So imagine how gross I looked, all skeletal (LOL) and long and awkward. Not cool. Although, I do give myself props for still managing to attract a few lesbian admirers in school despite my badly miscalculated Sailor Moon-like proportions. That's what you call swag, brah. 'Sup.

Holy fffffries.
Anyway. This underweight trend of mine stayed all throughout my teenage years. Don't get me wrong, I did start to fill in some time in high school, but mostly, I was free to eat as much as I wanted whenever I wanted. I inherited my father's tall, slim frame along with his crazy fast metabolism and passion for rice. I'd have a ratio of 1 spoonful of ulam is to 2 spoonfuls of rice. That's kaing-marino for you! The food was always good, I was always happy to eat, and I was convinced I would never get fat.

I was wrong.

Along came adulthood. My adolescent metabolism's gears slowed, and my kaing-marino started to take its toll. Being naturally cheeky, I first started seeing the weight gain in my face in pictures. Then I started debating with myself if my jeans were shrinking in the laundry, or if my ass was growing. I couldn't believe it at first, but, I was starting to put on weight... and too much of it.

The heaviest I've ever been in my life was 118lbs, and I managed to trim that down to a comfortable 113. Even though I was never able to get back to eating like a dock worker, I was at least able to get into my pants without having to wriggle. See, my body is stupid. It thinks the only places to store fat in are my face and my ass. I'd love for some boob allocation, really, but I guess things don't work that way around here.

Here comes my work on camera and on TV. You know that saying, "The camera adds 10 pounds"? IT'S TRUE. You have to be extra thin, to look just right on camera. In this line of work, the standard really is skeletal. For a foodie like me, it's daily torture to try to eat as little carbs as possible, passing on dessert, and always having to scrutinize nutrion labels and to count calories. Only thing about all this maintenance that I like is working out, but at the end of the day, I think about the good old days. Back when a full meal didn't come with a side order of guilt and a promise to run 4 kilometers the next day.

I hope my motto, "Nothing worth having ever came easy," doesn't wear me out!

Ugh. What a depressing entry. Let's go look at porn. Food porn, that is. Grab a box of tissue for your drool and check out It's one of my most favorite online haunts... and source of late night cravings. HA! Good luck.


  1. if your posts goes into a book or something, ill buy that asap. i love the craziness of it all. (: so mad(fun) that i cant find a decent comment to give justice to your work. again great entry.

  2. I feel for you Anna, I used to be skeletal too! haha! But now skinny-me has long been gone.. Share me your secret.. Heeelllp! haha! ;))
    Anyway, I'm glad that your vlogging here now.. I actually signed up just now so I can follow you! :) I soo love yor vlogs! :))

  3. Wait till you get near 25 and then you'll start hating development, not so much growth. Your hips will get wider and the continuous deterioration of your metabolism will spite you! Or maybe it's just me :))

    1. I think it's coz you're in the States already. ALL THAT GOOD FOOD. Uuuugh. I remember gaining 7 pounds in 2 weeks over there. Ack. Hahaha! ;)